I served my wife with divorce petition papers in January, 2011. I am divorcing my wife.
Still, I am really sad.
I loved my wife with all my heart.
I believe I was a great husband — honest, loyal, faithful, generous, kind, thoughtful, imaginative, attentive and expressive. My wife was once so proud of me, and I felt loved by her friends — Aimee, Carolyn, Salil, and Nadia in particular. I won’t likely see any of them again, which makes me cry just thinking about that loss.
I said to my wife ‘I love you’ about about 6,500 times over almost 5 years. My wife said ‘I love you’ to me about 6,475 times. She rested her head on my chest as I held her close almost every night we were together, including our last night together, October 21st, 2010.
She was a part of me unlike any other woman I’ve known.
Was I surprised to see her leave?
Not at all, for she was dramatically unsatisfied with what she had in me.
I wish my wife happiness, for that is what I fear she is missing and chasing, sprinting right past me in pursuit of it, unable to feel happy with a good and capable man who cherished her.
How am I doing? I feel vibrant and awful. Full of promise and full of sadness. Cautiously optimistic about the future but sick about my lost future with the love of my life. Wondering if I’m going to be able to have a family now since half a decade just got consumed.
My burst of upbeat posts to this blog in recent months conceal my horror of watching the wife I loved melt away and vanish over two exasperating years following our wedding and reception on September 28, 2008.
I miss my girlfriend so much.
I miss the sweet presents my wife gave me, like the ‘Happy Birthday’ teddy bear she gave me for my birthday October 6, 2010, and the handmade scrapbook photo albums to document our life she painstakingly assembled from real photos, construction paper and love.
My wife and I talked every day from the day we met in Starbucks on University Avenue in Palo Alto, California on December 20th, 2005 to the last morning she walked over to me, climbed into bed and cuddled with me, on the morning of October 22nd, 2010. We still celebrated our monthly ‘anniversary’ of meeting, including on October 20th, 2010.
The last time I saw or talked with my wife was October 25, 2010, when she and her parents loaded my wife’s belongings from my house into a moving van and departed. The iPhone video below shows the moving truck leaving my house.
Before they left, my wife’s father shook my hand warmly and told me ‘You’re a good man.’
I gave my wife’s father a hug and told him ‘this is a life changing day.’ I gave my wife’s mother a hug and told her ‘this is a life changing day.’ I asked my wife’s parents to say goodbye to my wife’s father’s father, Sharon, Laszlo, Michael, Josephine, Patrick, Scott, Jack, Nancy, Amanda, Nick and Erika.
My wife’s parents promised me that they would say goodbye as I asked. If my wife’s friends and family are reading this, Goodbye. I will miss you. I appreciated your love and support very much. Please take good care of my wife, as I can’t be there for her any longer in any capacity. I tried so hard, and part of me still loves her dearly.
If you read this blog, you’ll gain greater insight into me than you’ve likely had before, and I hope you’ll appreciate my intellect, drive, passion, capabilities and accomplishments. I put forth tremendous, sustained effort and resources to make my wife happy.
I spent so many hours trying as diligently as I was then capable to help my wife appreciate that she was already living a fortunate life uncommonly rich with the most important elements of a happy and satisfying life. Sadly, I was unsuccessful.
I am crying and I don’t know when I’ll recover from my traumatic loss.
I am heartbroken and ruined.
[Note: I removed my wife’s first name, which appeared in the original version of this post. I also removed the last names of some of the other individuals named. Finally, I removed a lovely picture from Christmas morning, 2009 that showed my wife and me holding hands in front of the Christmas tree and laughing enthusiastically. Kevin – 3/23/11 @ 1:48pm PDT.]